Celebrities gone wild: Volume II

What ever happened to the sane celebrity? The actors, musicians and other assorted famous people our parents' age were drunks, smokers and probably slept around in more beds than a mattress salesman.

But today it seems that instead of being bad eggs, celebrities are boiled.

Just look at the wackos that are picking up significant attention from the media, and I'm not talking about Hillary Clinton.

First, we have the once-marketable Britney Spears who has pretty much checked out of sanity and will probably be flinging her own feces at people some day soon on a city street corner.

After her shenanigans in Las Vegas it would be an understatement to say she's "not right in the head" or "freakin' nuts" or "she'll probably eat small children if you leave them unattended."

No, after debuting her Kurt Angle haircut, she's pretty much catapulted those categories and has reached Defcon 5, which is, like, Courtney Love territory.

And how about Madonna? In a Valentine's Day interview on Sirius Satellite Radio she said "I want to be like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and John Lennon ? but I want to stay alive."

This coming from a woman who made millions off the supposed loss of her virginity.

In her most recent tour she has had controversial crucifixion scenes, saying that "For me, we all need to be Jesus in our time."

It doesn't take a brain dead monkey to realize that Madonna has gone on a spiritual trip that isn't sponsored by AAA.

Since we're on the religious topic, Mel Gibson has fallen from being the biggest badass Australian dude in Lethal Weapon to an anti-Semitic religious fanatic. And his driving habits, sheesh.

I think what needs to happen is we need to screen people before they actually become famous, otherwise we end up seeing our celebrities dangle babies from balconies and eat the umbilical cord of their newborn child.

It doesn't matter if you're a sleazebag (come on, this is America) but if you're insane it's just kind of embarrassing for everyone. It's like when your aunt has too much to drink at the Christmas party and starts hitting on guys half her age even though her husband is three steps away. Awwkkkkwaaarrrddd...

Only instead of grandma talking about that for the next six months, you get the awkward news of a celebrity eating baby fetuses plastered on every magazine and news channel in the western world.

Can we just go back to the good old days when Frank Sinatra was part of the mob, John Wayne drank more than a frat guy who just found out his liver was at "optimal health" and Babe Ruth was more promiscuous than the Hilton sisters combined? I could deal with that.