Resolutions that rhyme

So, we're a week into 2009-how are those resolutions coming, Eags? Have you already failed to go running several times due to the Shaquille O'Neal heights of snow that continue to pile up? Already broken that "keep track of money" goal by overdrafting once again with your debit card? Unable to resist buying that first pack of cigarettes on the way back to Cheney? Keep in mind: 2009 is a great year for resolution-slogan-rhyming. If you rhyme slogans with the year in order to remind yourself of your personal goals, forthcoming studies will probably show that you'll have a better chance of keeping your New Year's resolutions.

It's easy if you keep it broad; "Spend more time in 2009!" is a very versatile mantra. You could be referring to spending time with family or spending time doing any number of life-enhancing things, like playing Facebook Tetris. But you'll be waiting a long time for a year that rhymes with "Tetris." Trust me, I've tried.

There's also "Feelin' Fine in 2009!" which lumps your exercise, diet, more sleep and mental health resolutions all into one easy saying. If you roll out of bed hung over and weighed down with self-loathing, look in the mirror and say, "Feelin' Fine in 2009." Whether you laugh at the untruth of the statement or break down into rock-bottom tears, you're more likely to take some steps toward better health later that day.

If you need to have your back manipulated by a chiropractor this year, just go with the very popular "Nice Straight Spine in 2009." You'll be at a local mini mall getting your bones crunched into submission in no time! There's also "Bag of Brine in 2009" if your resolution is to soak your Thanksgiving turkey in salt water and seasonings before you cook it for moisture and flavor. But this resolution won't come up until November, so remember to chant it to yourself daily to assure success when the big moment finally arrives.

What about "Whine Equals Fine in 2009"-this is an effective slogan that kills two birds with one stone. Whenever you find yourself whining about something, like your Uggs getting wet in the slush or a death in the family, put a dollar bill into a milk jug (rinse out milk residue first to avoid stench). Then, when 2010 arrives, you'll either have a bunch of savings or a less annoying personality. If things go well, you'll have a combination of both!

As for me, I know I'll be "Productive in Line in 2009." Whenever I find myself in a queue (British for line) this year, whether it's at the grocery store, post office, coffee shop or some EWU administrative office, I will be getting things done. You won't find me staring with patience at someone's back; no sir! I'll be scrolling through my iPod to find music I forgot about, writing columns in a tiny pocket journal, or best of all, making important business calls on my cellular telephone. If I don't finish my call on time, I'll just make the employee wait for me for a change: tables turned!

I would encourage every Eagle to find a resolution rhyme that works for them. If you don't, the only rhyme you'll be saying at the end of the year is: "The fault for horrible failure was mine in 2009."